Entscheidung

Mein Vater ist an den Folgen eines geplatzten Aneurysmas im Hirn gestorben. Er fiel, auf dem Sofa liegend und wie so oft mit dem Kopfhörer Musik hörend, nach kurzen und heftigen Kopfschmerzen in eine tiefe Bewusstlosigkeit. Im Krankenhaus angekommen, wurde nur noch ein Zustand des Komas festgestellt, der die Ärzte veranlasste, ihn ins Sterbezimmer zu verlegen.

Der Anruf meiner Mutter erreichte mich in Hamburg, als ich spät zur Tür hereinkam. „Ach, der Vater …“ Es folgten Einzelheiten, die mir plötzlich klarmachten, dass etwas mein Leben mit Gewalt änderte. Ich spürte Erleichterung und schämte mich umgehend dieses Gefühls. Ein Freund fuhr mich nach Bad Harzburg, der Stadt, in der ich geboren bin, und in der mein Vater jetzt mit dem Tod rang.

Er hatte noch eine Woche zu leben. Im Sterbezimmer zeigte mein Vater erstaunliche vitale Regungen. Es folgte eine eilige Verlegung in ein spezialisiertes Krankenhaus in der Umgebung. Eine Operation verlief erfolgreich, das geplatzte Aneurysma konnte geschlossen werden. Aber er hatte viel Blut verloren, das sich im Kopf verteilte, und die Abbauprodukte waren Gift für die Nervenzellen. Mein Vater war kurz nach der Operation ansprechbar und guter Dinge, was uns allerdings nur die Schwestern mitteilten, mit denen er morgens gemeinsam Lieder sang. Seinen Angehörigen gewährte er bei geschlossenen Augen nur einen Händedruck seiner schönen, warmen Hände. Die Besuchszeit war nachmittags.

Die Ärzte prophezeiten schwere Komplikationen, ich wollte es nicht glauben. Sieben Tage nach dem Platzen der Ader starb mein Vater.

Seit einiger Zeit habe ich in einem Ohr hin und wieder ein Rauschen, das den Takt des Herzschlages wiedergibt. So was kommt von einer Nackenverspannung, einem verstopften Nasen-Rachenraum, oder es ist ein Hinweis auf ein Aneurysma, das auf dem Hörnerv liegt. Bei meiner erblichen Vorgeschichte hielt mein Hausarzt es für ratsam, ein MRT vom Kopf anzufertigen, zumal die Schwester meines Vaters eine ähnliche Erkrankung hatte, die allerdings durch die Operation vollständig geheilt wurde.

Ich war unsicher, was ich machen sollte. Gerade erst hatte ich die bekannte Sportreporterin in einer Talkshow gesehen, die ein nicht geplatztes Aneurysma vorsorglich operieren ließ. Die Operation missglückte, sie lag Wochen im Koma, überlebte wie durch ein Wunder und musste, schwer behindert alles wieder von Neuem lernen. Schlucken, essen, reden. Wenn sie geht, tut sie dies mit den Bewegungen eines Roboters. Sie sagte, im Nachhinein sei sie nicht sicher, ob sie sich noch einmal für eine Operation entscheiden würde. Sie wurde für diese Äußerung stark angefeindet.

Ein positiver Befund des MRT bei mir, das wusste ich, würde keineswegs die sichere Entscheidung für eine Operation sein. Warum sollte ich mich dann überhaupt untersuchen lassen? Aber warum bin ich dann überhaupt erst zum Hausarzt gegangen, wenn ich doch schon vorher ahnte, was die Konsequenzen sind? Ich konnte die Entscheidung fällen, als ich merkte, dass das Unterlassen der Untersuchung mein Versuch zur Verdrängung war. Ich wollte die Möglichkeit der Erkrankung im Ungewissen lassen. Ein anderer Teil in mir wollte aber Klarheit, deshalb bin ich anfänglich zum Hausarzt gegangen.

Nachdem ich mich für den MRT-Termin angemeldet hatte, fiel eine Last von mir ab. Bevor die Untersuchung begann, merkte ich, dass es gut war, diese Entscheidung getroffen zu haben. An der Rezeption fragte mich die Frau, ob ich unter Platzangst litte. Ich sagte, ich hätte keine Ahnung. Die Untersuchung dauerte vierzig Minuten. Ich hatte keine Platzangst. Der Lärm war erträglich. Der Befund war negativ.

Aneurysma

12.729 thoughts on “Entscheidung”

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